tomorrow...

tomorrow... 

it represents a myriad of things, sure. 

hope

excuse

extension

faith

procrastination

"on the day after today"

possibility

my mother told me today that i don't talk. i just don't think that's true.

she wants me to talk about my feelings or something. 

i told her i am sad. 

i asked her if she wanted a report of what i did everyday. i just don't think that's necessary. 

she said that she would like me to tell her something. my argument? i do. 

tomorrow my brother gets to go somewhere that i really want to go. i didn't realize how badly i really desired this until i heard my mother talk to him on the phone about what he is going to do... tomorrow. i just listened and felt the sadness creep its way in. i let it go, i let myself feel it because i have been avoiding it, i haven't let myself feel that sadness.

tomorrow my favorite roommate goes through the temple for the first time. 

tomorrow night is her bachelorette party. 

tomorrow's tomorrow she gets married. 

and i have to miss it. 

so... i'm sad. 

i'm not depressed. 

i'm just... sad. 

this is me being honest... me being vulnerable. 

i don't do that. i don't allow myself to be vulnerable. 

i really only let myself really feel things in private. (this is kind of hard when i've shared a room for the last two years of my life ;P)

maybe that's why...

today.

it represents reality. 

truth. 

fear. 

ugly. 

beauty. 

"this present day."

everything.

my mother told me today that i don't talk. i think i say plenty. 

maybe it's my fault people aren't listening. 

today is thursday. 

old english origin: day of thunder. 

i heard it.

it wasn't cloudy today but i didn't enjoy it - the sun. i knew what today was. i knew what tomorrow could have been. i kept dwelling on too many yesterdays. 

today a friend of mine reunited with many people. i wasn't there. i'm strangely finding that a lot easier to deal with than missing the wedding. 

i don't know why. 

i don't regret my decision to come home - though it's been difficult. i keep reminding myself that there is a reason why i'm down here. 

yesterday. 

...

"on the day before today."

lessons

i look forward to tomorrow, i do. i'm just going to allow myself to feel the sadness. 

i'm going to allow myself to. 

now there's a weird sentence.