the journey

yesterday was long. not only was it long, it was super long: starting at 3 am and ending at midnight.

after sleeping for three hours and working for ten i was released from the place of employment at 8 o'clock.

as i walked outside, i put in my earphones to listen to the discorded genius of ennio marricone: to be the soundtrack to the genius of khaled hosseini i was reading. 

so enthralled was i in this that i didn't take note of one my favorite states of weather;

i felt the breeze wisp the hair across my cheek

i smelled the storm

i recognized the cloud cover

exhausted in more then three ways, i began down the hill that requires involuntary acceleration. the lingering pains of the difficulties of the semester added to the weight of the day and i couldn't control my emotions as much as i would have liked. i felt the tears well up in the corners of my eyes and i summoned the energy to avoid wetting hosseini's words. 

a impulsive wind forced my attention for a brief moment

the clouds kissed my nose

once

and again to let me know that they really cared. 

i closed the book

allowed one single tear to join the other drops on the pavement

i looked up at the sky to say, "thank you" out loud

a smile found its way on my face

my eyes closed and my arms opened

a surge of happiness filled my body

i started to notice the beauty of everything around me

there was light in the day

my senses are filled with spring

i really, really wanted to ride this plane, it was high enough to make it exciting, too bad i'm not four anymore.

no.

i'm so grateful for the experiences i have. i know that i have them for a reason, so i can grow, so i can help others when they go through a similar thing. i like being there for people and knowing what i can do to help through whatever they are going through. i yearn to be able to understand. the bad part about this is, i don't particularly like it when people say that they understand what i'm going through - i feel like they don't. i guess i can learn from that as well. 

and at the same time i want someone to always be there when i need them, to know that i need them, to know. 

por ejemplo:

i used to have a really, really bad temper (i can still feel it start to flare up at times). i'm talking about punching holes, scaring my sister into hiding kind of temper. it took seeing my sister cry and a long time to overcome this challenge. so when i saw my sister begin to flare up (and it really does feel like a flame: starting small and spreading until there is no control), i knew what that was like. i took her aside when she had lost control (and it is like losing control, quite literally) and asked her to calm down, hit the pillow, not the door or a human; breathe. she screamed, i explained to her what i went through and asked if that was how she was feeling. i like to believe that that helped. that she knew that i went through the same thing. 

it felt good to see her calm down after that. i don't know if it really helped, but i believe it did. 

so, the point of the moral of the story is: i must be going through this so i can overcome something, and maybe be able to be there when someone else is trying to overcome that something of their own; so they know that they can connect with somebody. 

i don't know... just my thoughts of late.